Dating nice people common mistakes in validating package systems
So when it comes to sex, women are more inclined toward the fiery, passionate qualities they attribute to the “bad boy” or the alpha male, but when it comes to dating and serious relationships, women claim to want a “nice guy.”Girls like to have someone around to whom they can express their feelings, but women are sexual creatures, so when it's time to jump in the sack, we want a guy who is going to lay it down.This means even though we ladies claim to want serious relationships with good guys, we end up going for the guy who's no good for us. That way she won’t think you’re needy and she’ll start to miss you. I could never intentionally hurt someone else, and I was afraid that I would have to behave that way if I wanted to find love. If someone calls themselves “nice,” you ought to take that with a grain of salt. As an INFJ personality type and a highly sensitive person, I didn’t want to act like a jerk in order to make myself more attractive. As Dale Carnegie writes in How to Win Friends & Influence People, the infamous gangster Al Capone never thought himself guilty, but instead saw himself as someone who helped others. However, someone who is genuinely nice doesn’t need to tell people that.The question that many people wonder is “If I’m nice, then why do I keep attracting such jerks?” They think that something is inherently wrong with them, and sometimes they can begin to get quite hopeless over their chances of finding good friends, someone good to date, or building a great marriage.
I peppered in a few nice guys here and there, but I think I was so insecure and unhappy at that time that I either drove those good guys away or grew bored of their niceness.
You might hear men complain, “I’m a nice guy, but women don’t like me.” The reality is that self-proclaimed nice guys tend to not actually be very nice.
To them, relationships with women are transactional.
Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. We are literally, scientifically geared to want assh*les.
Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy,” the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if they were infectious diseases. While women claim to want “the nice guy,” we're genetically hard-wired to want to procreate with the alpha male because he has stronger sperm.
This aloofness isn’t something I work toward—in fact, I actively try not to have a cold exterior, but it’s a part of who I am. I can be a hard-ass, and I can be snappish and reactive and I take zero shit from anybody.